"MAN DOWN! WE HAVE A MAN DOWN!!!"

I was very excited to go on a walk with my friend Melissa, our dogs and her kids at Hickory Hill today. Unfortunatly, during the first leg of the trail my foot caught a dip in the trail and I fell like a ton of bricks. I have 7 stiches in my right knee and lumps and sprains in/on my left foot. So I will be completing the last 4 days of the school year with the little preschoolers on crutches. That's right... I will be of no use for anything other than verbal redirection for the rest of the year. But who am I kidding? I'm checked out of there anyhow.

Chatty Kathies

I have found that talking about breastfeeding and breastmilk is a very effective methods of thwarting off undesirable conversation from bored Chatty Kathies during your lunch hour. One mention of it and they go running for the door.

In the tradition of my late and great Grandmother Obert I would like to make some grievances known about some things I'm not satisfied with... Dare I say it... I would like to complain.
1.) I've been skimming YOU The Owner's Manual: An insider's guide to the body that will make you Healthier and Younger when I'm not cooking, cleaning, working, walking, sleeping or breastfeeding (which is approximately once a week while I take a bath instead of cooking Kent dinner). This book includes a ten day diet which will jump start a healthier lifestyle. Here is what I would need for my kitchen in order to prepare ten days of food while on this diet:

1. Fully stocked year round fresh herbs garden (dill, basil, thyme, parsley, mint, etc.)
2. all sauces (all vinegars, oils, BBQ, more will be disclosed below...)
3. all beans (kidney, garbanzo, Tuscan, black, etc...
4. all fruits frozen and fresh (Blueberry, raspberry, plums, pineapple, apple, mandarin oranges, etc.)
5. all whole wheat breads (English muffin, tortillas, pitas, baguettes, you name it)
6. staples (not the kind for fixing paper together- eggs, blah)
7. all salad greens (spinach, arugula, endive, collard greens, kale
8. Kashi H. fiber cereal
9. low fat soy milk
10. Light and Fit smoothie drinks
11. all nuts (Walnuts, almonds preferably)
12. canned salmon, smoked salmon and salmon fillets
13. lots of chicken in various forms (bone in and out)
14. old fashioned oats
15. apple cider, sauce, and juice
16. pure maple syrup
17. ricotta cheese
18. silken tofu
19. blueberry preserves
20. limes and lemons
21. OJ
22. Shitake mushrooms
23. asparagus
24. egg whites
25. sour cream
26. frozen corn and whole baby corn
27. goat cheese and feta cheese
28. frozen yogurt (vanilla and choc.)
29. Frozen sorbet (pineapple and strawberry)
30. poblano chilies
31. Onions (small, red, yellow and white)
32. Kalamata olives and olive relish
33. golden raisins
34. avocado
35. summer squash
36. eggplant
37. bell peppers (roasted, red, yellow, orange and green)
38. rye bread
39. edename
40. cabbage
41. sesame seeds
42. carrots
43. scallions
44. fresh and pickled ginger
45. Yukon Gold Potatoes Wax potatoes, sweet potatoes and red potatoes
46. Turnips
47. garlic
48. mescadun (Huh?)
49. radishes
50. chix broth
51. ww gemelli
52. tomatoes (grape, roma, yellow and red)
53. baby peas
54. Romano Cheese
55. Grey Poupon
56. Anchovies
57. chili garlic sauce
58. top sirloin
59. pea shoots
60. broccoli florets
61. red jalapeno chili
62. tilapia
63. mirin (?)
64. lentils
65. white and red wine
66. shallots
67. cucs
68. spinach
69. cauliflower
70. buttermilk
71. wasabi powder
72. Caribbean jerk seasoning
73. tuna steaks
74. thin pizza crust
75. snow peas
76. bamboo shoots
77. water chestnuts
78. jasmine rice
79. shrimp
80. chili puree
81. oyster sauce
82. choc. soy milk
83. granola
84. frozen and fresh cranberries

OK, why don't I just buy the whole store. All this for ten days? Come on. I also recently received a Weight Watchers' cookbook that I feel pretty similar about. When I'm Oprah I will be able to eat these recipes but until then... Can we simplify for us "little people"?

My idea is for a computer program where you enter all the contents of your kitchen and it spits out a weekly menu, recipes and serving size guide for a week at a time. I think there should be a suggestions box for items for an upcoming grocery visit too. Perhaps every week it prints out your grocery list... There would have to be a monthly option on there too. My brother-in-law took it farther and thought it should hook up to your grocery cart and whenever you put a "Bad" item into your cart like a gallon of cookies and cream ice cream you get zapped with electric shock.

Deadwood : Upon reflection I have decided I am not upset about previously mentioned complaint. Although, I do think there is something to the fact that I haven't seen my friend in a year I will not hold this incident against anyone.