Self Portraits

I love to look at pictures of myself and of people with whom I can "find myself". Mostly, I think its because I never agree with them. Ever since I can remember I have been totally self absorbed. I'm sure my family and friends can vouch for it. Not in a "Mine" sort of way... More in a "OK, get to the story with me in it," sort of way.
Now, I also used to draw myself on many occasions and my favorite artwork (of my own) that is currently sitting in my living room waiting to be hung on a freshly painted "Venice Blue" wall is a form of a self portrait.
When I began taking painting and drawing classes at Pella, Central College, I used to scoff at this one guy who did NOTHING but self portraits. They were always the same.... Shoulders up... same blank stare... same grunge flannel shirt... same long limp hair and attractive face. In the time I spent at Central he must have done twenty of them. I thought he was so unoriginal.
Until I started taking life drawing classes and had to draw a moving body or even a still body that couldn't help but sway a little here or a little there and after a break you just couldn't get back into the right spot you were drawing in and that arm isn't quite right! Then I thought, "OK, I get it." Portable life drawing model that you have full control over. But what's with the the mug shot. Everywhere I looked very intelligent students resorting to this same head shot with eyes staring themselves down.
Then I took Bikram Yoga. Everyday you did a variation of the same 12 poses. I feel like I could still be doing those same poses today and not have them just the way I could best do them (had I stuck with Bikram Yoga and was still working for the guy who owned the studio so I could get half price hot house yoga). So then it came to me a bit more...
If I could I would have total control over all the images of myself that are floating out there in the world. I would delete and retake all the ones I didn't like. Maybe that's the artist in me. Or the insecurity in me...
Michelangelo and Da Vinci didn't indulge in very many self portraits that are "Known" self portraits. I can think of the one of Michelangelo in the Sistine chapel where he portrays himself as the Saint who flays himself. Michelangelo's portrait is not the saint who is holding the skin... He is the skin he holds. Not too confident, Michelangelo. Basically saying that he is the base sin and shit of humanity.
There is a drawing that everyone calls Da Vinci's self portrait but it isn't confirmed. Some say the Mona Lisa is a self Portrait of Da Vinci because the features line up with the aforementioned self portrait of Da Vinci. Some say both portraits show a certain sadness, longing, and maybe even a little anger.
Are self portraits cocky of insecure?
As for those drawings I'm about to hang in my living room. They are not portraits of my face but of my body at a time in my life when I was jumping from the frying pan. I was ready and eager. I'm happy to have them in my life. I was talking to a friend... and I wonder would my other Mommy friends agree?... I feel like I have shed a skin that day I gave birth to Lucia. I don't recognize myself. This is an exciting and scary time. And as exciting and scary Italy was in a "global-consciousness" sort of way this new place is much more crucial and complicated. I tread slower and more deliberately on this new path. The pace is almost painstaking. I had the first pang to make a new self portrait today but didn't know what to do. In Italy I didn't even know I had started before I created the "twins". Perhaps I have started creating already but haven't recognized it yet. Lucia is the obvious indication but my reflection is hard to discern from her.
We had our portraits taken at JCPennys last Saturday. There is one of my holding her up by my face and we are both smiling. She embraces the toothy, mouth wide open smiles of her Mommy. She hands them out all the time to anyone who will look her way. I love that about her. She brightens peoples faces like sunshine. I see it all the time when I carry her around. They come closer with curiosity to see a little baby and she blasts them one of her grins and "POW!"- I get to see the happiest face from a perfect stranger. It's a freaking miracle. I'm sure other mommies out there know what I'm talking about.
My baby is part of my new portrait like a Frida Kahlo portrait with her sitting neatly and formally in a chair with a bloody vein reaching out and attaching her to me. The marks of childbirth discreetly tucked behind my carefully chosen middle class second hand clothes with words hovering over me. Words like Welfare, Career, and Housewife. This paints far too literal a picture but you get my train of though, no? Plus, I would hate to rip off the lovely and amazing Frida. Frida was great because she wasn't afraid. I identify a lot with her. She liked to play different roles in life and didn't let people put her in a box. She stands out obviously for her dense collections of self portraits. I also liked her because there is always something gruesome and painful about her self portraits. Its well know that Frida knew pain but it resonates for us "common folk" because we all feel a bit of that pain of living. Life can be very painful at times. Other times its the best feeling in the world but there are times it is downright gory. Recovering from childbirth is a serious example of that.
I haven't found my artist-self in many years no matter how many museums I visit, or Joni Mitchell CDs I listen to or smart people I talk to. Art can be encouraged by those things but it has to be authentic to be good. It has to resonate. It has to be recognized. And unfortunately for me there is always a sublimation process that I have to be so ready for I practically have to train for it. And again, unfortunately for me, I'm still not ready.

For Katy O. from Sara B.

I'm not happy about this, but you asked very nicely...


So even though I have other pictures of you that I like better...


Here you go.

Happy Fathers' Day!

out to some of the Best Dads I know (in no particular order):

• Grandpa Olson
• Kent (Daddy)
• Uncle Chris
• Grandpa Obert (Popo)
• Uncle Mike
• Uncle JR
• Uncle Andy
• Uncle Kurt!

We love you all and wish this day to be full off relaxation and appreciation!

Take Care, Lucia and Katy

Goodbye Sutliff Bridge

I have been getting by with the floods affecting my life minimally. Today I was deeply saddened to find out that the Sutliff bridge collapsed. It was a one of my favorite local historic sites as you could get a bottle of beer and stroll out on it in the summer and watch the sun set. They also have awesome hamburgers there at the Biker bar that sits adjacent to it. Farewell ole' bridge I will remember you well.

Frantically making slow progress...

I feel like I've been busy with nothing to show for it but here are the things I've been "Attempting" to do (here comes another bulleted segment of my blog):

1. Download free virus protection from Avast: Unsuccessful b/c of slow dial up connection
2. Take a clerical test for a job with Team Staffing Solutions: Again Unsuccessful b/c of slow dial up connection (these two things have been taking me FOREVER!)
3. Take care of Lucia who developed a fever from her four month vaccinations: makes me sad and worried for her. Makes Daddy sad too.
4. Clean my house- don't get me started on the state of my toilet, shower, and sink (please explain to me why dirty bathrooms allude most men).
5. Cook food so that we might save money from more trips to grocery store or for take out.
6. Get my license renewed. After one failed attempt at the written exam yesterday (hardy har har- I know... more jokes about Katy's stupidity) I passed the test after missing one question about how many feet you need to be from something when something is happening when you are driving- 100ft, 300ft, or 5ooft. The answer is 100ft but the question is still a blur. Damn short attention span. You see, I didn't notice it had expired on my birthday and the 60 day grace period had ended.
7. Get my bike in working order (Cha-ching for World of Bikes but well worth it in the long run). I will be converting my tubes from European style, getting new tires thanks to dry rot on the white walls (the actual tire part was still good), new break pads, and a tune up. It won't be done until first week of July. I hope I have a job by then.
8. That brings me to finding a temp part time well paying job for the summer... I need one. Interviewed with TSSI on Monday. Will keep you posted.
9. Securing a para position for next year. Whoopity-doo. Met with Lemme principal today.
10. Entertaining my little Lucia without being distracted by aforementioned 9 things that have been weighing on me.

I hate money, esp. when we don't have it.

My knee has been healing okay. It's still ugly but on a smaller scale. We are safe from the flooding. Many people I know have been helping with sand bagging down on Dubuque St. Mom and Dad's house should be well enough away from harm as well. It's been a big deal for Iowa. Cedar Rapids, Iowa City, Waterloo and Cedar Falls are all affected by the Iowa and Cedar rivers flooding. There is still another 7 day forecast of rain ahead of us. On the flip side, I don't have to water my vegetable garden.

Lucia's four month Baby wellness visit went well. She is in the 50% for weight and head circumference and the 90% for height. She is developmentally at a 6 month level for some things and has hit all her milestones for four months and most of 5 months. I don't know if any of that adds up to anything but its reassuring to know as a parent that things are going smoothly. I like to think that she's a capable and strong little thing and want the world for her. The doctors all commented that it was apparent that she was a baby that was "talked to" as she was engaging in a lot of "conversation" with everyone. She was all smiles and happy until those damn shots. I know they are good for her but dammit- They piss me off.

ER Humor

My ER Doctor looked at my knee and said it looked like Hamburger.
I said, "I guess that makes you Hamburger Helper."
Then I joked that I would buy him a T-shirt.

"MAN DOWN! WE HAVE A MAN DOWN!!!"

I was very excited to go on a walk with my friend Melissa, our dogs and her kids at Hickory Hill today. Unfortunatly, during the first leg of the trail my foot caught a dip in the trail and I fell like a ton of bricks. I have 7 stiches in my right knee and lumps and sprains in/on my left foot. So I will be completing the last 4 days of the school year with the little preschoolers on crutches. That's right... I will be of no use for anything other than verbal redirection for the rest of the year. But who am I kidding? I'm checked out of there anyhow.

Lucia'nne Baby is 4 months Today.

"She is the sunshine in my life," to quote dear old Stevie Wonder. She's grown so much I'm already anxious that she is growing out of baby-dom. She went to her first wedding this month in Ohio. Therefore, she endured her first long car trip. Thank goodness Grandma and Grandpa Obert were there to drive us. She had Mommy and Daddy to smile, coo, caress, and soothe her the entire drive. She only cried when she was tired or hungry. We would stop and I would fulfill all her needs and then I would say, "Thank you for letting me know what you needed, Lucia."
She would smile and me and make some lovely baby jabber sound that is like music to my ears.
Mommy and Daddy love their little girl.
I will save most of the milestones for the quarterly lovenote but I'm proud of my little girl for being so strong this month. She rolls over now, grabs things she wants, "inchworms" around the floor, holds herself up very high on her arms during tummytime, and sits up for stroller walks. She can do so much she has to cry in order to alert Mommy that she just needs to be cuddled and held.
Lucia is a wonderful little girl to have in our family and we were very happy for the opportunity to show her off to friends and family this month. Lucia met her great Aunt Marsha,Gini, Theresa, Mary and Uncles Mike, Chet, Jim, and Bernie. Not to mention she got to visit again with little Madeleine and various 2nd cousins and more! She has yet to meet Uncle Mikey, Aunt Angie, and cousins Patrick and Aaron save a video phone conversation on Mother's Day. That was very sweet because Patrick made Lucia many little drawings that he showed us over video chat. We plan on seeing them in August in Madison if all things go right.
I will upload a 4 month picture tomorrow. The batteries on my camera are dead and I was too lazy to leave the house today after work.

In Case any of you were wonderin'...

This is how we cook squirrel over here in Iowa. In Iowa City the illusive "Black squirrels" are the delicacy:

OLD SQUIRREL*

1 squirrel, cleaned and skinned

Barbecue sauce

Put squirrel in a pot. Cover with water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until the meat falls off the bone. Cut meat into bite-sized pieces. Place pieces in saucepan and top with generous amount of bbq sauce. Cover and simmer 20 minutes.

YOUNG SQUIRREL*

1 squirrel, cleaned and skinned

1 cup sour cream

2 medium onions, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bone and cut squirrel into bite sized pieces and brown in frying pan. Put pieces in casserole. Mix sour cream and onions and spread over squirrel. Roast 1 hour.

*Recipes from The Des Moines Register Cookbook by Carol McGarvey, Marie McCartan and C.R. Mitchell

Recipes worth noting from Lite and Delicious cuisine of India by Madu Gahdia.

Just as a slight tangent... Why do recipes use the misspelling of "Light"? Or is "Lite" really a word. I could look it up but I'm too lazy.

Alu Gobhi

1 med. cauliflower (4cups)

2 med. potatoes

4 tsp. Veg oil

1/2 tsp cumin seeds

1 tsp fresh ginger, chopped

1/4 tsp turmeric

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper (optional)

2 tsp coriander powder

2 tsp lemon juice

1/2 tsp garam masala

1 tbsp fresh coriander, chopped (cilantro)

1. Cut up cauli into 1 inch florets and peel, wash potatoes and cut into 1" pieces- set aside.
2. Heat Veg oil in nonstick skillet and brown over med. heat for few seconds.
3. Add Cauli and pots.
4. Add Ginger, turmeric, salt and cay. pepper. Stir to coat vegs.
5. Cover with a lid, heat through and reduce heat. Simmer for 8-10 min until veg are tender but firm.
6. Sprinkle coriander powder, lemon juice and garam masala. Stir. Increase heat to med. and pour remaining 2 tsp of oil around the sides, allowing the oil to get to the bottom of the pan. Fry for 3-5 mins. Stir occasionally in a lifting and turning fashion to avoid mashing veg. all the liquid should be evaporated.
7. Transfer to serving platter and garnish with fresh coriander.

I should be honest and say I added a few splashes of coconut milk to the recipe. I like it a little creaminess to my Alu Gohbi but have notices that its not really how its supposed to be cooked. I don't know where I ate it that it was creamy (I think in Davenport) but I really like it that way and am disappointed when restaurants serve it dry.

Here is how you make Garam Masala:

1. 1 1/2 Tblsp whole cardamom
2. 4 cinnamon sticks broken into pieces
3. 1 tsp whole black pepper
4. 1 tsp cumin seeds
5. 1 Tblsp whole cloves
6. 2 bay leaves broken up
7. 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds
8. 1 tsp kasoori methi (dried fenugreek leaves-optional)
9. Pinch of saffron (optional)

Put everything into your coffee grinder and powder finely.

I obviously didn't use the optional items and I thought the recipes I tried still tasted as they should.

The paneer was easy because you just had to spread part skim ricotta into a pan and then bake until the water evaporated. It's not true paneer but it works for American purposes. I used it to make Matar Paneer and it tasted really good. Kent even ate it despite the fact that he hates peas and it was a dish consisting primarily of peas. Those of you who want more will have to check out the book. I'll return it before next weekend.

Indian dish night at the Olsons

Well, I successfully made my first Indian dish for supper.
It took me forever to figure out what Garam Masala was. But once I found a recipe for it I had fun using my coffee grinder to make up some homemade!
I made Alu Gohbi and it was delicious. I tried making Naan but my yeast was old and didn't rise. That was okay because I had plenty of Basmati Rice. I also made Paneer from some part skim Ricotta cheese. I'm thinking about making one more dish tonigh with the Paneer and peas (it has a tomato sauce instead of the yellow sauce).
So, I guess this inspiration is lasting a little longer than expected!

Chatty Kathies

I have found that talking about breastfeeding and breastmilk is a very effective methods of thwarting off undesirable conversation from bored Chatty Kathies during your lunch hour. One mention of it and they go running for the door.

Mistakes or something better?

I just have a quote from a movie running through my head tonight:

Lounge singer: "I can't... Sometimes do you feel like you can't tell your life from all the mistakes you made?:

Piano player: "Come on baby- Mistakes are what make it interesting... They make life fun."

When you are lying in your deathbed will you be running the mistakes you made through your head and ruing every moment of it or will you be smiling and reliving every moment of sheer joy. Tonight I am thinking of those moments of sheer joy:

• Spending all night working on a painting/drawing, smoking cigarettes and drinking wine.
• Dancing with my Pop-o at Mikey's wedding
• climbing to the top of the Duomo and looking out at sunset over Florence.
• Singing and dancing at the Deadwood
• Walking dogs with hot coffee in my hand with JR at sunrise. Swimming with the dogs.
• Laying with Lucia on my chest asleep- kissing her forehead.
• My mother giving me a pedicure.
• Lying in the sun on my Pop-o's boat
• Kent's tears at my wedding
• Looks of love from Kent
• cuddling up with my family in bed

Life is something precious.

Inspiration, Iowa City

I feel like I can do anything and be anything when I go to the library. If I get an idea or a tinge of inspiration I like to go to the library and check out all the books I can find on that topic or idea. Then I head to the audio section and check out CDs with thoughts of future mix CDs dancing in my head and finally I finish up at the DVDs and decided on my entertainment for the week. My friends and I have all made a nice habit of frequenting the library.

The little ones get new books for the week, play with the trains that are set up in there and poke around the movies and computers a bit between episodes of blindly running from here to there. It is during this time that Lucia and I sit back and look on with pride and admiration at my friends with their children. They are being brought up well with good memories of trips to the library- as it should be. I remember the library cards from when I was a little girl. It was very official. Your number was punched into a metal strip that was inserted into a very sturdy card. I remember thinking library cards are very dear. Today they are cheap plastic cards and don't nearly look as important as they actually are.

Today's inspiration at the library was an episode of the Splendid table from NPR this weekend. There was a feature on a new Filipino cookbook. It just so happened that I was sent home with a nice big bag of Pancit this weekend from Tita Leti (Genevieve's Aunt who makes amazing authentic Filipino food). I was named as part of the family way back in High school (I ate the squid) and have eve rafter been treated as part of their family. I was excited by the prospect of making this dish for myself.

I found the cookbook and three others on Filipino cooking and Indian cooking. Here are the titles:

1. The Filipino-American Kitchen by Jennifer M. Aranas
2. Memories of Philippine Kitchens by Amy Besa and Romy Dorotan (this was the featured book on Splendid Table)
3. Cuisines of India: The Art and Tradition of Regional Indian Cooking by Smita Chandra
4. Lite and Luscious Cuisine of India: Recipes and tips for healthy and quick meals By Madhu Gadia.

I also checked out a novel that I hope I will actually read.

I'm excited to get this brain/stomach party started!

p.s. I reserve the right to lose inspiration at any moment.

Genevieve and Joshua

In Honor of Genevieve's Birthday (Yesterday) and Joshua's Birthday (Today) I'm posting of this picture of them at my shower. I can't believe he was that small! He's such a big boy today.
This is what I know about Joshua:

• He loves his Momma (they make out) and Daddy.
• He loves Apples
• He loves Thomas the Train
• He loves cars.
• He can say "Poop"
• He runs like E.T.
• He loves being the center of attention.

There may be more but these are the top ones.

I know too much about Genevieve to share it all but here are a few favorites:

• She loves Anne of Green Gables, turn of the century English movies and Bridget Jone's diary.
• She was a late bloomer but Whoa! what a looker! She can dress herself good too.
• She loves psychoanalysing her friends.
• She can eat with the best of us.
• She goes on long walks with her friend Katy while our Babies ride quietly on.
• She can't hear and hates silence.
• She can say "poop".
• She loves Joshua ( and Rich too, sometimes).
• She loves being the center of attention.

To a very special Mamacita-

You are:

• hilarious.
• my best friend.
• so important to me.
• a great mom who always does the best you can.
• full of heart.
• talented.
• a great conversationalist.
• a granderma.
• strong and supportive.
• forgiving.
• always the most beautiful - pretty woman I know.
• interesting.
• a good story teller.
• an enormous part of my life.

... and I will always love you.

Just wanted to remind you of that on Mother's Day. You deserve everything you desire in life. Tell that grumpy old man of a husband to give you a hug and a kiss from me. I'm sorry I couldn't make it there to be with you this weekend. We will come for a weekend soon when I can stay awhile.

Here are the products I can't live without as a Mommy:

1. Gripe Water (this shit WORKS, people)
2. Dr. Brown's Bottles (they are really the best bottle out there).
3. Infant Mylicon
4. Jumperoo
5. Calming Vibrations bouncy chair (thank you very much Sarah Sparks!)
6. Swing (thank you very much C-Bs)

In the tradition of my late and great Grandmother Obert I would like to make some grievances known about some things I'm not satisfied with... Dare I say it... I would like to complain.
1.) I've been skimming YOU The Owner's Manual: An insider's guide to the body that will make you Healthier and Younger when I'm not cooking, cleaning, working, walking, sleeping or breastfeeding (which is approximately once a week while I take a bath instead of cooking Kent dinner). This book includes a ten day diet which will jump start a healthier lifestyle. Here is what I would need for my kitchen in order to prepare ten days of food while on this diet:

1. Fully stocked year round fresh herbs garden (dill, basil, thyme, parsley, mint, etc.)
2. all sauces (all vinegars, oils, BBQ, more will be disclosed below...)
3. all beans (kidney, garbanzo, Tuscan, black, etc...
4. all fruits frozen and fresh (Blueberry, raspberry, plums, pineapple, apple, mandarin oranges, etc.)
5. all whole wheat breads (English muffin, tortillas, pitas, baguettes, you name it)
6. staples (not the kind for fixing paper together- eggs, blah)
7. all salad greens (spinach, arugula, endive, collard greens, kale
8. Kashi H. fiber cereal
9. low fat soy milk
10. Light and Fit smoothie drinks
11. all nuts (Walnuts, almonds preferably)
12. canned salmon, smoked salmon and salmon fillets
13. lots of chicken in various forms (bone in and out)
14. old fashioned oats
15. apple cider, sauce, and juice
16. pure maple syrup
17. ricotta cheese
18. silken tofu
19. blueberry preserves
20. limes and lemons
21. OJ
22. Shitake mushrooms
23. asparagus
24. egg whites
25. sour cream
26. frozen corn and whole baby corn
27. goat cheese and feta cheese
28. frozen yogurt (vanilla and choc.)
29. Frozen sorbet (pineapple and strawberry)
30. poblano chilies
31. Onions (small, red, yellow and white)
32. Kalamata olives and olive relish
33. golden raisins
34. avocado
35. summer squash
36. eggplant
37. bell peppers (roasted, red, yellow, orange and green)
38. rye bread
39. edename
40. cabbage
41. sesame seeds
42. carrots
43. scallions
44. fresh and pickled ginger
45. Yukon Gold Potatoes Wax potatoes, sweet potatoes and red potatoes
46. Turnips
47. garlic
48. mescadun (Huh?)
49. radishes
50. chix broth
51. ww gemelli
52. tomatoes (grape, roma, yellow and red)
53. baby peas
54. Romano Cheese
55. Grey Poupon
56. Anchovies
57. chili garlic sauce
58. top sirloin
59. pea shoots
60. broccoli florets
61. red jalapeno chili
62. tilapia
63. mirin (?)
64. lentils
65. white and red wine
66. shallots
67. cucs
68. spinach
69. cauliflower
70. buttermilk
71. wasabi powder
72. Caribbean jerk seasoning
73. tuna steaks
74. thin pizza crust
75. snow peas
76. bamboo shoots
77. water chestnuts
78. jasmine rice
79. shrimp
80. chili puree
81. oyster sauce
82. choc. soy milk
83. granola
84. frozen and fresh cranberries

OK, why don't I just buy the whole store. All this for ten days? Come on. I also recently received a Weight Watchers' cookbook that I feel pretty similar about. When I'm Oprah I will be able to eat these recipes but until then... Can we simplify for us "little people"?

My idea is for a computer program where you enter all the contents of your kitchen and it spits out a weekly menu, recipes and serving size guide for a week at a time. I think there should be a suggestions box for items for an upcoming grocery visit too. Perhaps every week it prints out your grocery list... There would have to be a monthly option on there too. My brother-in-law took it farther and thought it should hook up to your grocery cart and whenever you put a "Bad" item into your cart like a gallon of cookies and cream ice cream you get zapped with electric shock.

Deadwood : Upon reflection I have decided I am not upset about previously mentioned complaint. Although, I do think there is something to the fact that I haven't seen my friend in a year I will not hold this incident against anyone.

Unlikely Arm Workout

Mr. Miaggi was right, if you want a good arm workout try scrubbing floors on your hands and knees. My floors look clean but my arms ache! If I keep this up while Lucia is still portable I'm going to be unstoppable at arm Wrestling.

Lucia meets Aunt Kim!

I was convinced anew how wonderful Aunt Kim was when Lucia met her last weekend. She is just wonderful and Lucia fell in love with her instantly. You can tell they are having a very nice discussion in this picture. She loves our Kurt very much and has a sensible head on her shoulders. We are all happy and relieved that they are doing so well and are so in love. There is nothing wrong with Kurt's PDA, Kim. Olson men are tried and true blue.

p.s. Isn't the outfit Uncle Jim and Aunt Mary got Lucia adorable?

p.p.s. If you zoom in you can catch a glimpse of Lucia's Cabbage Patch doll belly button.